Empathy is a gift. It reminds us that we are not alone, that there are others who feel our pain (or pain that is similar to our own), that we are understood, heard, and supported.
Conducting a search on the Havard Business Review website for the word empathy, a long list of articles, books, case studies, and podcast episodes came up. (I stopped counting at 48.) Dozens of experts consistently include empathy as one of the top ten leadership skills or competencies. Empathetic leaders succeed because they understand what their team members are struggling with. So that they can guide, mentor, and inspire their team based on that knowledge. This is a gift to the team members, but also to the wise leader who reaps the rewards of the engagement and motivation which their empathy has engendered.
What can you give?
My Aunt Kate taught me by example that the most valuable thing we can do with the love that we receive is to share it—unconditionally. This is a truly difficult thing to do. (For me, anyway.) Sometimes, we do not feel like giving love to people who have been inconsiderate, insensitive or difficult to interact with. Unconditional love means finding a way to feel empathy for another person without necessarily liking them. It is also about feeling empathy for people who are not members of your affinity or ‘in group’. The fewer common characteristics or experiences that we share with another person, the more conscious we need to be of practicing empathy and giving that gift to others.
What can you receive?
A community might include our family, our friends, our coworkers, our geographic neighborhood, our fellow human beings across the globe. It is within a community of our choosing that feeling and expressing empathy is easiest. It is easier to receive empathy in such environments because we feel safer. When I was widowed I joined a support group of others who shared that traumatic experience. We were all grappling with intense grief and situational depression. I was grateful for the empathy given and received by group members.
What do you want?
As we face rapid fire negative input, we want a break from the onslaught of up to the second breaking news. Most of us want to be able to connect with others who have had similar experiences and are compassionate. We want to be able to express ourselves without fear of reprisal or risk of conflict. To spend time with others who are committed to making positive contributions to our world and share our ideas, hopes, and creative dreams.
What do you need?
When times are hard it can be very difficult to feel inspired to do the work that needs to get done. We all need infusions of inspiration. I find inspiration in hearing other’s stories. Stories about how they remain resilient, how they persist, and what gives them hope. Often, these stories are like the ones I share about my incredible Aunt Kate who inspires me everyday to face challenges, pain, and loss. Sometimes, the stories are about famous people who are familiar to us all. Knowing that others, ancestors, strangers, colleagues and peers have also overcome barriers helps us to know that we are not alone. This fulfills our need to belong and provides us with an opportunity to be inspired by others’ hopes and dreams. Coming together and feeling mutual empathy, trust and inclusion; being fully heard and receiving affirming positive feedback (another gift!); and being refreshed and renewed in community with others is critically needed right now.
If you have not connected with others to share empathy and inspiration for a while, isn’t today a great day to do so?
I have dedicated my life to the mission to “make manifest the value of all people.” Achieving that mission has included several chapters: working in the private sector as a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Manager, working in the public sector as an EEO Officer, in academia providing education to others who have chosen careers in service to others, and as a consultant working with a myriad of organizations.
I am Educated
When people ask me for recommendations on how to do what I do for a living, I consistently respond, “Get the best education in this field that you can.” Mine is a multidisciplinary field and so, practitioners may begin in the legal profession or in human resources or in training and development or in organizational psychology. Whichever the focus, it is critical to get a solid education in the history of discrimination, including sexual harassment and to have a fundamental understanding of employment law if you are going to be truly effective in this work.
I am Inspired
The motivation for committing my life to creating and supporting diversity, equity, and inclusion is based on a childhood of being othered (being discriminated against, bullied, harassed, assaulted, and excluded) by those who were taught not to value my difference. Being subjected to hateful treatment resulted in my deep empathy for others who suffer the same. As one who has risen from brokenness, I break cycles of abuse and hatred. I am inspired and honored to do the work that I do.
Say it Loud!
When the haters try to co-opt our words and language with the intent of weaponizing them against us my response is to refuse to participate. I call on everyone who has been subjected to hatred based on any of your affinities or identities to say it loud, “I AM A PROUD DEI HIRE!” My diversity is an asset. Equity is a requisite for my participation, not rhetoric. I must be included—fully, fairly, and with respect. I am not asking for favors, or any special treatment. This is basic, fundamental, and a benefit to everyone who understands it.
I am Qualified
The gaslighting behind the anti-DEI movement is predicated on the lie that “DEI Hires” are not qualified. This lie is usually pushed by those whose own qualifications for whatever role they are in or are seeking may be questionable. There have been many times when I have seen the qualifications bar lowered for someone’s relative, friend, or former college roommate, I have never seen that bar lowered for a BIPOC candidate, an LGBTQi candidate, or a candidate with disabilities whether a new hire or for a promotion.
The ‘fake it till you make it’ crowd doesn’t seem to suffer from imposter syndrome as they have been privileged for years of being given opportunities without having to prove how qualified they are. While those of us who have been excluded tend to over-achieve so that there can be no question that we have earned our seat at the table.
Untie or Unite?
If someone tries to distract you from your goals or to convince you that you are better or worse than another person, ask yourself what they are trying to accomplish. Unity is an amazing and wonderful experience. When collaborating with a group of people whose diversity combines to create something new and exciting is seen as a threat or in any negative light, please question why. If someone tries to convince you that DEI is a bad thing, again, ask them why they see it this way. Attempts to untie, unravel, and undo unity or to disrupt harmony and to denigrate kindness are not new, they are just exponentially amplified by the anonymity of the internet. I have two words for the enablers and amplifiers of this rhetoric: Stop it!
I am a Leader
I have been in my chosen field of DEAIB for decades and as result have earned the respect and trust of many colleagues and clients. As a woman of mixed race and ethnicity who has navigated the many challenges of a world that fosters exclusion and discrimination (both as an employee and for twenty years as a small business owner), I have learned to be proud of my diversity, to see it as the asset that it is, in addition to my education and experience.
Earned Trust
Yesterday, the President of the United States passed the torch (picture the Statue of Liberty) by endorsing his Vice President to be the next President of the United States. President Biden is a white man who understands the importance of diversity of affinity and identity, perspective, and experience. He nominated Vice President Kamala Harris based on her decades of dedication to public service, her education and experience as a prosecutor, Attorney General, Senator, and Vice President, and her inspiration as a woman, a Black woman, a South Asian woman, a mixed race person, and a daughter of immigrants. Those identities and affinities are bonuses for us, the American People, as members of the most diverse nation in the world. As we rededicate our country to becoming one where equity is the foundation for our equality, and where inclusion of all is valued and embraced.
I am honored to have met Vice President Harris years ago, when she was the Attorney General of the State of California and I am proud to endorse her as the next President of the United States. I trust that she will serve our nation and our world with dignity, mindfulness, and gravitas as the first woman president in our 235 year history.
The vast majority of the attacks on diversity, equity, inclusion, access, and belonging (DEIAB) initiatives and programs, use anecdotal examples of poorly executed workshops or other strategies to dissemble and discredit the entire field and its raison d’etre. This is an old (see ancient Greece) and frequently effective technique for destroying one’s political nemeses. The mountains of data that we haul out to prove the efficacy of competently implemented DEIAB initiatives is not going to be examined by those who are the intended audience of these smear campaigns, as they do not read the same periodicals, follow the same influencers, or travel in the same circles that DEIAB experts do, that is the point of these tactics—do not worry about being asked for the receipts—make the slanderous statement and wait for the spiral of mis and disinformation to do its work.
Why DEIAB?
Before I embark on how to counter this onslaught, let’s examine why it matters. There have been many studies[1] during the past few decades that establish the following DEIAB benefits: diversity makes us better, better workers, thinkers, writers, people; equity not only affirms our commitment to a democratic society, but helps us to understand what the rules of engagement are which in turn, helps us to navigate our relationships and roles; inclusion, especially for so many humans who have historically been excluded as a result of bias, creates a safe, nurturing environment where we can bring and be our best selves—productive and innovative; access is necessary for all humans to fully participate via a ramp for wheelchairs or closed-captioning during a zoom meeting; and belonging, inspires us to want to be somewhere—be fully engaged and giving 100%.
Now, nothing that really matters is easy. Nothing that really makes a difference is ‘one and done.’ [think: diet and exercise – sorry!] For many years I have been telling potential clients that we do not do training—we provide interactive education on the cause and effect of DEIAB. For example, we might examine the history of sexism and its ongoing impact on society or the impact of racism and its perpetual institutionalization in organizations. Then, we can work on developing ways to counter these systemic problems.
How: Listen.
The reason that we conduct surveys, interviews and focus groups or listening sessions, as well as reviewing a clients’ policies, protocols, and various communications (including job descriptions and marketing materials), is that we need to know where to begin. Every organization has a unique culture and subcultures based on its mission, vision, goals, and strategies. If you listen, the members of your organization will tell you what matters to them, how they are being treated, and if they feel included. You do need to listen on a regular basis, so that you can notice shifts, hints, and indicators of problems before they escalate. That means conducting assessments at least on a biennial basis.
How: Discern.
Once you have this very valuable information, you have to decide what it is you will do with it. If nothing, then stop here. If, on the other hand, you believe that knowledge is power, the power to change say your diet based on a diagnosis of diabetes, then, let’s get to work. That diet will need to be customized and long term. What are you able to commit to? What resources do you have? What resources do you need? What are your limitations? Board approval, budget restrictions, political pressure? Those limitations need to be identified before they can be addressed.
How: Communicate.
Share the results of your assessment with your employees. Follow that basic communication rule and share what you heard to make sure that you got it right. Many employers have told me that they are not comfortable sharing the results of a DEIAB assessment with employees because that information might be shared with the public and result in a negative perception about the organization. If a person has cancer but does not have a diagnostic assessment conducted to determine if they have cancer, does the cancer cease to exist? No. Also, if your organization has problems with DEIAB a fair percentage of your employees already know that. They just may be uncomfortable to tell you to your face. So, share your DEIAB assessment results and discuss what those results indicate. What caused the negative outcomes in the first place.
How: Educate.
Use the knowledge that you gained during your assessment to determine what competency and skill gaps exist—especially with your leadership and managerial staff. My observation is that the majority of leaders and managers in organizations have not developed critical—fundamental leadership skills. These gaps exacerbate DEIAB challenges because a lack of cultural awareness on top of poor communication and delegation skills create environments that, at least diminish engagement, productivity, and staff longevity, and at worst, result in hostile work environments and potential EEO violations. A 3-hour online seminar on effective management is a waste of money and time. Invest in education. Every manager and leader should participate in ongoing, long term development as well as coaching, and team feedback such as 360 assessments and reciprocal performance evaluations.
We customize our leadership and manager educational programs to meet organizations and individuals where they are. We conduct preparatory surveys to find out what education and training individuals have had and what their response to those experiences is. We also use those surveys to find out what their particular challenges and concerns are surrounding DEIAB. This enables us to fine tune our educational programs so that they are effective and relevant. Separating leaders, managers, and non-managerial staff is an important part of creating a safe space where participants can speak freely, share concerns, and learn from their peers. By using an anonymizing tool during sessions we help participants to safely address these issues and engage in meaningful discussions without fear of judgment or repercussions.
How: Prioritize.
Using the feedback gathered during our sessions, we are able to help clients develop sustainable, tangible DEIAB strategies in a collaborative manner. These strategies must be part of the organizational strategic plan, core mission, vision, values, and goals—not an add on. It is easy to criticize initiatives that get second thoughts and leftovers in terms of resources, whether financial or human. So, if DEIAB is a priority, treat it as such.
If an organization is committed to DEIAB, then, you need to put your money where your mouth is. People, your employees, clients, customers, constituents, and community members know the difference between talk and action. The level of disillusionment[2] that is, in part a response to a lack of trust in what leaders communicate versus what they do, is contributing to high employee turnover rates[3] during the past several years as well as quiet quitting[4] and general disengagement.
The most effective DEIAB strategies are also reasonable financial investments for organizations. Our most successful clients have ongoing structured mentoring programs which contribute to more inclusive working relationships, more effective managers and leaders and increased employee engagement and retention.
Investing in education, employee mentoring, ongoing assessments, and strategic planning are not new approaches to DEIAB, I have been preaching and practicing these for many years. It is the integration of these actions that create a resilient and pivotal foundation that can withstand the onslaught of voguish attacks on DEIAB when they pop up.
If your organization is struggling to balance the benefits of DEAIB and your core values against the politicized myths being used in an attempt to polarize people and diminish those values, please give me a call. I would love to discuss how we can support you during these very challenging times.
[2] UN General Assembly “As ‘Intense Frustration and Disillusionment’ Brew amid Raging Global Conflict, Economic Uncertainty, Revitalizing General Assembly is Increasingly Critical, President Says” https://press.un.org/en/2023/ga12560.doc.htm
